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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Necessary
Fool
Particular
Ways
Way
Qualifications
Make
Criteria
People
Sorts
Fools

More quotes by Jackie Mason

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Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.
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The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
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It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
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I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
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There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.
Jackie Mason
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I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
Jackie Mason
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By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting in whose name in whose strength in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
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You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.
Jackie Mason
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Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.
Jackie Mason
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Ten years ago if you would have told me that Mrs. Clinton would be the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination, I'd have never believed you. Her only qualifications for office are that she's Mr. Clinton's partner. And what does that mean? The two of them stand for dishonesty and corruption.
Jackie Mason
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A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
Jackie Mason
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A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
Jackie Mason
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Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
Jackie Mason
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I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
Jackie Mason
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Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
Jackie Mason
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Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.
Jackie Mason
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The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.
Jackie Mason
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I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!
Jackie Mason
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My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
Jackie Mason