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While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Faith
Kosher
Fact
Salami
Christian
Utmost
Everyone
Jewish
Facts
Ball
People
Balls
Respect
Practice

More quotes by Jackie Mason

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It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
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Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.
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America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.
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Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.
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Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
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I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
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The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.
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Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.
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I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humor doesn't know what he's talking about.
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Predictions are preposterous.
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A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
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Ten years ago if you would have told me that Mrs. Clinton would be the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination, I'd have never believed you. Her only qualifications for office are that she's Mr. Clinton's partner. And what does that mean? The two of them stand for dishonesty and corruption.
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I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
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My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.
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I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!
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I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
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I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
Jackie Mason
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Jackie Mason