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I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
Jackie Mason
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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Wholesale
Steals
Italian
Jewish
Stealing
Friend
Half
More quotes by Jackie Mason
My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.
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Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
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I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!
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A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
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Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
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The key is that I'm always relevant. Some of these comedians have nothing to say. They don't have any ideas so it's F this and F that. They give you a whole series of swear words and it's really just a way for them to get themselves out of trouble when they can't come up with anything. They're irrelevant and ridiculous.
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When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!
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By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting in whose name in whose strength in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
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I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humor doesn't know what he's talking about.
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Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.
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I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
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A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
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I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
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Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.
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It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
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