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It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
Jackie Mason
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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Query
Queries
Wholesome
Discovering
Staying
Illness
More quotes by Jackie Mason
Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
Jackie Mason
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Jackie Mason
I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!
Jackie Mason
The key is that I'm always relevant. Some of these comedians have nothing to say. They don't have any ideas so it's F this and F that. They give you a whole series of swear words and it's really just a way for them to get themselves out of trouble when they can't come up with anything. They're irrelevant and ridiculous.
Jackie Mason
Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
Jackie Mason
I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
Jackie Mason
People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
Jackie Mason
Ten years ago if you would have told me that Mrs. Clinton would be the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination, I'd have never believed you. Her only qualifications for office are that she's Mr. Clinton's partner. And what does that mean? The two of them stand for dishonesty and corruption.
Jackie Mason
While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.
Jackie Mason
I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
Jackie Mason
It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!
Jackie Mason
By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting in whose name in whose strength in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
Jackie Mason
My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.
Jackie Mason
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
Jackie Mason
Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
Jackie Mason
Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.
Jackie Mason
Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.
Jackie Mason
I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
Jackie Mason
A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
Jackie Mason
Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
Jackie Mason
