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My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Bigs
Businessman
Father
Ruined
Crash
Stock
Fell
Market
Stockbroker
Window
Stockbrokers
Successful
Jumped

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Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.
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Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.
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A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
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I've found that my humor goes over big in London.
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Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
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I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
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I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
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Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.
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By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting in whose name in whose strength in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
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Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.
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The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
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A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
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I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
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Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
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Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?
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I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
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My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
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