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You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Many
Ugly
Feel
Gonna
Feels
Shapes
Good
Told
Men
Stand
Stunning
Guy
Cheat
Looking
Secure
Women
Shape

More quotes by Jackie Mason

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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
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I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
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I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!
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I've found that my humor goes over big in London.
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There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
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It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!
Jackie Mason
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America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.
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Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.
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Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
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I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
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Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
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A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
Jackie Mason
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Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.
Jackie Mason
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Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
Jackie Mason
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By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting in whose name in whose strength in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
Jackie Mason
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The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.
Jackie Mason
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Ten years ago if you would have told me that Mrs. Clinton would be the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination, I'd have never believed you. Her only qualifications for office are that she's Mr. Clinton's partner. And what does that mean? The two of them stand for dishonesty and corruption.
Jackie Mason
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I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
Jackie Mason
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The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
Jackie Mason