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A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Persons
Foreigner
Person
Foreigners
Good
Speaks
Like
Sounds
English
York
Sound
Speak

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You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
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Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
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Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.
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I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
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The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.
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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
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There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.
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The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
Jackie Mason
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I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
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Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.
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I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!
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Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
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I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
Jackie Mason
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The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.
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I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
Jackie Mason
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America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.
Jackie Mason
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Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.
Jackie Mason
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While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.
Jackie Mason
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I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
Jackie Mason