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A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Persons
Foreigner
Person
Foreigners
Good
Speaks
Like
Sounds
English
York
Sound
Speak

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Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.
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I've found that my humor goes over big in London.
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My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
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Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.
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I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!
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All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.
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It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
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I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
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The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.
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I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!
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Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.
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The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
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Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.
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Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.
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A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
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Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.
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Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?
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While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.
Jackie Mason