Quote

I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Music
Concerts
Important
Bother
Years
Sex
Always
Hear
Year
Half
Doesn
Thought
Concert

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I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
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A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
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When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!
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By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting in whose name in whose strength in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
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Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.
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I've found that my humor goes over big in London.
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
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I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
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Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.
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Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?
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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
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Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.
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Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.
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The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.
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The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
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Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
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My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.
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Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
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I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
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Ten years ago if you would have told me that Mrs. Clinton would be the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination, I'd have never believed you. Her only qualifications for office are that she's Mr. Clinton's partner. And what does that mean? The two of them stand for dishonesty and corruption.
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