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I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Thought
Concert
Music
Concerts
Important
Bother
Years
Sex
Always
Hear
Year
Half
Doesn

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Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.
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Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.
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The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.
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There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.
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I've found that my humor goes over big in London.
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It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!
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Predictions are preposterous.
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The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.
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Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
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I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
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While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.
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A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
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I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humor doesn't know what he's talking about.
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A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
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I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
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The key is that I'm always relevant. Some of these comedians have nothing to say. They don't have any ideas so it's F this and F that. They give you a whole series of swear words and it's really just a way for them to get themselves out of trouble when they can't come up with anything. They're irrelevant and ridiculous.
Jackie Mason