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I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
Jackie Mason
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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Year
Half
Doesn
Thought
Concert
Music
Concerts
Important
Bother
Years
Sex
Always
Hear
More quotes by Jackie Mason
I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
Jackie Mason
The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.
Jackie Mason
There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.
Jackie Mason
While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.
Jackie Mason
The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.
Jackie Mason
Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.
Jackie Mason
Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.
Jackie Mason
I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
Jackie Mason
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
Jackie Mason
America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.
Jackie Mason
I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
Jackie Mason
A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
Jackie Mason
It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
Jackie Mason
Ten years ago if you would have told me that Mrs. Clinton would be the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination, I'd have never believed you. Her only qualifications for office are that she's Mr. Clinton's partner. And what does that mean? The two of them stand for dishonesty and corruption.
Jackie Mason
My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
Jackie Mason
All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.
Jackie Mason
Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.
Jackie Mason
I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humor doesn't know what he's talking about.
Jackie Mason
Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
Jackie Mason
People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
Jackie Mason
