Quote

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.

Jackie Mason

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Football
Player
Went
Talking
Thought
Self
Huddle
Every
Players
Time
Conscious

More quotes by Jackie Mason

Image
I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
Jackie Mason
Image
Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
Jackie Mason
Image
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Jackie Mason
Image
By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting in whose name in whose strength in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
Jackie Mason
Image
Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
Jackie Mason
Image
There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.
Jackie Mason
Image
When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!
Jackie Mason
Image
Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
Jackie Mason
Image
It is easy to tell the difference between Jews and Gentiles. After the show, all the gentiles are saying 'Have a drink? Want a drink? Let's have a drink!' While all the Jews are saying 'Have you eaten yet? Want a piece of cake? Let's have some cake!
Jackie Mason
Image
It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
Jackie Mason
Image
Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.
Jackie Mason
Image
I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
Jackie Mason
Image
My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.
Jackie Mason
Image
I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!
Jackie Mason
Image
The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
Jackie Mason
Image
Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.
Jackie Mason
Image
A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
Jackie Mason
Image
I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!
Jackie Mason
Image
I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
Jackie Mason
Image
The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.
Jackie Mason