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I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Went
Talking
Thought
Self
Huddle
Every
Players
Time
Conscious
Football
Player

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Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
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I've found that my humor goes over big in London.
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I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humor doesn't know what he's talking about.
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While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.
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I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
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Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.
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I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
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Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.
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The key is that I'm always relevant. Some of these comedians have nothing to say. They don't have any ideas so it's F this and F that. They give you a whole series of swear words and it's really just a way for them to get themselves out of trouble when they can't come up with anything. They're irrelevant and ridiculous.
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A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
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Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.
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Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.
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It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
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The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
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I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
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A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
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Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.
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Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.
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Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
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