Quote

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Jackie Mason

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Age
Staying
Like
Illness
Findings
Finding
Healthy
Health
Favourite
Longer
Sickness
Question
Retirement

More quotes by Jackie Mason

Image
Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
Jackie Mason
Image
My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
Jackie Mason
Image
All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.
Jackie Mason
Image
While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.
Jackie Mason
Image
Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
Jackie Mason
Image
Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.
Jackie Mason
Image
I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
Jackie Mason
Image
Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
Jackie Mason
Image
My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.
Jackie Mason
Image
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Jackie Mason
Image
Ten years ago if you would have told me that Mrs. Clinton would be the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination, I'd have never believed you. Her only qualifications for office are that she's Mr. Clinton's partner. And what does that mean? The two of them stand for dishonesty and corruption.
Jackie Mason
Image
There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.
Jackie Mason
Image
I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
Jackie Mason
Image
It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
Jackie Mason
Image
A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
Jackie Mason
Image
The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
Jackie Mason
Image
The key is that I'm always relevant. Some of these comedians have nothing to say. They don't have any ideas so it's F this and F that. They give you a whole series of swear words and it's really just a way for them to get themselves out of trouble when they can't come up with anything. They're irrelevant and ridiculous.
Jackie Mason
Image
I've found that my humor goes over big in London.
Jackie Mason
Image
Predictions are preposterous.
Jackie Mason
Image
I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humor doesn't know what he's talking about.
Jackie Mason