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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Finding
Healthy
Health
Favourite
Longer
Sickness
Question
Retirement
Age
Staying
Like
Illness
Findings

More quotes by Jackie Mason

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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
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Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
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I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
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Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.
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Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.
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A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
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The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
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Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.
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America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.
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The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.
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I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!
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There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.
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Predictions are preposterous.
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Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.
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Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.
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My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.
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I've found that my humor goes over big in London.
Jackie Mason
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The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.
Jackie Mason
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I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
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I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
Jackie Mason