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No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.
Jack Benny
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Jack Benny
Age: 80 †
Born: 1894
Born: February 14
Died: 1974
Died: December 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Military Officer
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Violinist
Chicago
Illinois
Refuse
Often
Tell
Matter
Believe
People
Thirty
Nine
More quotes by Jack Benny
It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.
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Any man who would walk five miles through the snow, barefoot, just to return a library book so he could save three cents - that's my kind of guy.
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I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.
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I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.
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Gags die, humor doesn't.
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Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian.
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When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.
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I was going to buy my girl a Packard car for Christmas, but it took too long to deliver, so I bought her some handkerchiefs.
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I practice three hours daily on my violin so I won't get worse.
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I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.
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My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce murder, yes, but divorce, never.
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There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.
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Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.
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A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.
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I began my show business career playing violin in San Francisco at the corner of Market and Taylor. I understand that there is a theater there now.
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Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
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I'm living in a very modest place. I have a room over-looking beautiful Claridge's Hotel. I thought it was better than paying Claridge's prices and overlooking the dump I'm living in.
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How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.
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A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.
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