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When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.

Jack Benny

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Jack Benny
Age: 80 †
Born: 1894
Born: February 14
Died: 1974
Died: December 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Military Officer
Radio Personality
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Violinist
Chicago
Illinois
First
Lousy
Comedian
Admit
Show
Shows
Another
Firsts

More quotes by Jack Benny

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I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.
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Try saving when your salary is low. So after making more money, you will not be able to do this anywhere
Jack Benny
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Any man who would walk five miles through the snow, barefoot, just to return a library book so he could save three cents - that's my kind of guy.
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My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce murder, yes, but divorce, never.
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Gags die, humor doesn't.
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As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.
Jack Benny
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No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.
Jack Benny
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Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
Jack Benny
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I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.
Jack Benny
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I practice three hours daily on my violin so I won't get worse.
Jack Benny
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It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.
Jack Benny
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There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.
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How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.
Jack Benny
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I'm living in a very modest place. I have a room over-looking beautiful Claridge's Hotel. I thought it was better than paying Claridge's prices and overlooking the dump I'm living in.
Jack Benny
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I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian.
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Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.
Jack Benny
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I was going to buy my girl a Packard car for Christmas, but it took too long to deliver, so I bought her some handkerchiefs.
Jack Benny
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I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.
Jack Benny
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I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.
Jack Benny
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Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Jack Benny