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If your boss asks you why you're comin' in late, you say it's 'cause you stayed late.
J. B. Smoove
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J. B. Smoove
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: December 16
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Plymouth
North Carolina
Jerry Angelo Brooks
Jerry Brooks
Boss
Late
Cause
Causes
Asks
Comin
Stayed
More quotes by J. B. Smoove
Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee.
J. B. Smoove
I love to pitch things that I believe in and products that I love to use.
J. B. Smoove
It's not even race it's a certain type of person that gets 'Pootie Tang.
J. B. Smoove
I try to dress smooth, I try to keep my face shaved, I try to keep my head cut. I try to do all the things to keep it smooth going!
J. B. Smoove
When you speak directly at things and don't say you're going to try to do something or that you hope to do something, the universe will work with you. Think about it this way - a boomerang goes out and comes back to you if you throw it. If you throw it out at the universe, it will come back down to you on Earth.
J. B. Smoove
People love things about Hollywood. People love to see the inside of what's going on.
J. B. Smoove
To be a true comic, you have to have a signature move. You ever watch wrestling? And your favorite wrestler has the one move that he always does to finish his opponent off, right? Like when he climbs on the rope, and he always jumps off the top rope and finishes off his opponent - that's what a comic has.
J. B. Smoove
If a director brings a guy to their movie who does improv, they've got to let him do what he does - otherwise it's like bringing Michael Jordan to your basketball team and telling him to just pass the ball and don't shoot.
J. B. Smoove
I don't like to dabble in anything I don't do well. I don't talk politics.
J. B. Smoove
I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had jokes stolen from me in the club when I'm next on stage. And my brain will start to turn, and the gears will start turning, and I'll go onstage and create a whole new bit.
J. B. Smoove
I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white.
J. B. Smoove
What happens in improv is you create your own storyline.
J. B. Smoove
I'm nice with damn kids, man. Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids and I can get into the mind of a kid.
J. B. Smoove
My wife is a vegetarian. When my wife is with me, I eat vegetarian. When she's not, I eat meat. I'm just being honest.
J. B. Smoove
I'm big on facial expressions, and I'm big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious.
J. B. Smoove
There's book smart, there is street smart, there's relationship smart, there's too many different kinds of smarts to know all of them. Everybody doesn't know every kind of smart. There's money smart, there's movie smart, there's computer smart. There's just too many different kinds of smarts for people to know all the smarts.
J. B. Smoove
Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't like to be robotic onstage. I like to perform for that particular audience.
J. B. Smoove
I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi somewhere, Ohio somewhere, to New York City for the first time, he don't have the street smarts. You can take him.
J. B. Smoove
You can't take everything that is offered to you. I pass on a lot of stuff, because I truly believe that I will shine better if I could do it 200 percent rather than do it 80 percent and make it so-so.
J. B. Smoove
I could never live with you not 'cause I'm racist or nothing. It's just 'cause as a black man in America, I need to have someone I can come home and complain about white people to. And that just don't work with my white wife.
J. B. Smoove
