Quote

My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. I power wash everything: my wife, the mailman with the f-cking mail, power wash his ass, f-ck my mail up, I don't care.

J. B. Smoove

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J. B. Smoove
Age: 59
Born: 1964
Born: December 16
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Plymouth
North Carolina
Jerry Angelo Brooks
Jerry Brooks
House
Mailman
Around
Wash
Power
Washing
Care
Cleaning
Everything
Gardening
Life
Mail
Ass
Wife
Cking

More quotes by J. B. Smoove

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I live in New York right now but I'm originally from my daddy's nuts. We all are. Think about, we the lucky ones - we made it. You all are winners. That's the first race you ever won.
J. B. Smoove
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My wife and I have been together for 11 years, and seven of those married. We got married on 07/07/07. We support each other 150 percent. We have fun. We are a modern-day Sonny & Cher. I don't sing. My wife sings. We're so different, but so alike. We got that ying and yang thing going on. You see it, but you don't know how it works.
J. B. Smoove
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A lot of comedians are selfish.
J. B. Smoove
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As far as standup, everybody has a vehicle they are driving. If what you do works, it's like playing golf. If you can master that one swing over and over again, you will be successful. That's what standup is. You have to have a central move and it has to be yours. You have to own your comedy, own what you do.
J. B. Smoove
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You gotta improvise in life. You gotta improv if the police pull you over.
J. B. Smoove
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You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?
J. B. Smoove
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People love things about Hollywood. People love to see the inside of what's going on.
J. B. Smoove
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I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray club soda and seltzer.
J. B. Smoove
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Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove.
J. B. Smoove
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Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't like to be robotic onstage. I like to perform for that particular audience.
J. B. Smoove
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You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world.
J. B. Smoove
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I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi somewhere, Ohio somewhere, to New York City for the first time, he don't have the street smarts. You can take him.
J. B. Smoove
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If I had signed my fourth season of SNL, I wouldn't have ever had the opportunity to do Curb Your Enthusiasm. If my buddy OG Pearson wouldn't have passed away, I wouldn't have been in L.A. for his memorial, and I would've never auditioned for Curb.
J. B. Smoove
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I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.
J. B. Smoove
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When you speak directly at things and don't say you're going to try to do something or that you hope to do something, the universe will work with you. Think about it this way - a boomerang goes out and comes back to you if you throw it. If you throw it out at the universe, it will come back down to you on Earth.
J. B. Smoove
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There're rules to being the side chick. Rule number one: you're number two.
J. B. Smoove
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Father's Day just be Mother's Day the sequel.
J. B. Smoove
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I don't like to dabble in anything I don't do well. I don't talk politics.
J. B. Smoove
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If your boss asks you why you're comin' in late, you say it's 'cause you stayed late.
J. B. Smoove
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I would only take a role that I know I'm comfortable in and I can do. I've turned down plenty of things because I'd feel it's not me, and I wouldn't want to come on someone's project and flip that.
J. B. Smoove