Quote

My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. I power wash everything: my wife, the mailman with the f-cking mail, power wash his ass, f-ck my mail up, I don't care.

J. B. Smoove

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

J. B. Smoove
Age: 59
Born: 1964
Born: December 16
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Plymouth
North Carolina
Jerry Angelo Brooks
Jerry Brooks
Everything
Gardening
Life
Mail
Ass
Wife
Cking
House
Mailman
Around
Wash
Power
Washing
Care
Cleaning

More quotes by J. B. Smoove

Image
A lot of comedians are selfish.
J. B. Smoove
Image
Curb Your Enthusiasm set me up so perfectly. That was one of my favorite shows before I got on it. That started a whole different level of a story for me. I didn't know how to process it until after I got on the show and realized what the purpose of it was.
J. B. Smoove
Image
Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove.
J. B. Smoove
Image
I'm nice with damn kids, man. Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids and I can get into the mind of a kid.
J. B. Smoove
Image
This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.
J. B. Smoove
Image
Women put guys through tests all the time.
J. B. Smoove
Image
Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.
J. B. Smoove
Image
As far as standup, everybody has a vehicle they are driving. If what you do works, it's like playing golf. If you can master that one swing over and over again, you will be successful. That's what standup is. You have to have a central move and it has to be yours. You have to own your comedy, own what you do.
J. B. Smoove
Image
If I had signed my fourth season of SNL, I wouldn't have ever had the opportunity to do Curb Your Enthusiasm. If my buddy OG Pearson wouldn't have passed away, I wouldn't have been in L.A. for his memorial, and I would've never auditioned for Curb.
J. B. Smoove
Image
I would only take a role that I know I'm comfortable in and I can do. I've turned down plenty of things because I'd feel it's not me, and I wouldn't want to come on someone's project and flip that.
J. B. Smoove
Image
I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray club soda and seltzer.
J. B. Smoove
Image
I talked about everything, man. I've always written material that everyone can laugh at. I talked about growing up. I did a lot of physical comedy. That was my thing. I was a physical comedian. I did anything and everything from running on a treadmill, I can paint a picture on stage of anything.
J. B. Smoove
Image
You gotta improvise in life. You gotta improv if the police pull you over.
J. B. Smoove
Image
I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white.
J. B. Smoove
Image
All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.
J. B. Smoove
Image
I don't like to dabble in anything I don't do well. I don't talk politics.
J. B. Smoove
Image
I could never live with you not 'cause I'm racist or nothing. It's just 'cause as a black man in America, I need to have someone I can come home and complain about white people to. And that just don't work with my white wife.
J. B. Smoove
Image
It's not even race it's a certain type of person that gets 'Pootie Tang.
J. B. Smoove
Image
I think comedy evolves constantly. I reinvent myself all the time. I always find a way to entertain myself because I truly believe you have to entertain yourself in order to relate it the right way to your audience.
J. B. Smoove
Image
Pursuing your dreams involves you accepting where you want to go. Don't allow anybody else to talk you out of things or discourage you from doing whatever you want to do. You can hold on to your dream and never pursue it or you can start pursuing it. If you can see it, or if you can envision it... it can happen.
J. B. Smoove