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Would you care for something to drink?” “Is it poisoned?” “It’s Saturday,” I said. “We only serve poison during the week.

Ilona Andrews

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Ilona Andrews
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More quotes by Ilona Andrews

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She handed him a glass of water and two Aleve gelcaps. “They’re anti-inflammatories. They will dull the pain a little bit and keep down swelling and redness. Swallow the pills, don’t chew.” “Well, I thought I’d stick them into my nose and impersonate a walrus, but if you insist, I’ll swallow them.
Ilona Andrews
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I could have fixed almost everything else, but death defeated me every time.
Ilona Andrews
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One day I'll kill him, you know. I glanced at her. She was deadly serious.
Ilona Andrews
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Runes, runes, runes... Runes. An inverted Algiz rune. The caption next to it said “Chernobog.” The Black God. Right. Of course, it wouldn’t be Chernobog, God of Morning Dew on the Rose Petals, but a woman could always hope.
Ilona Andrews
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Ask a man how much a dollar is worth, and he'll tell you, 'Almost nothing.' Try to take a dollar away from him, and you'll get yourself a fight.
Ilona Andrews
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You slept with Curran and you didn’t tell me? I’m your best friend.” “It didn’t come up.” “How disappointing for you.” Ha-ha. “That’s not what I meant.
Ilona Andrews
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Curran gave me a flat look. I can always drive to a burger joint instead. Oh, so you'd throw a burger down my throat and expect making out in the back seat? He grinned. We can do it in the front seat instead, if you prefer. Or on the hood of the car. I'm not doing it on the hood of the car. Is that a dare? Why me?
Ilona Andrews
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Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies don’t look awful this time. Me (Ilona): ... ~A little later~ Kid 2: *wandering into the kitchen* Kid 1: Hey, you’ve got to see these pies. *opening the stove* Kid 2: Wow. They are not ugly this time. Kid 1: I know, right?
Ilona Andrews
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I closed my eyes. “Are you okay?” “I’m tired. My knee is hurting again and I’m trying to teleport myself upstairs.” “Um, Kate, you can’t do that.” “I know. But I’m trying very hard. Let me know if I start fading?
Ilona Andrews
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I'm investigating people who sacrifice trained killers to dark gods. Perfect, it will keep him occupied. In what capacity? Bait.
Ilona Andrews
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I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful.
Ilona Andrews
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I trusted her about as far as I could throw her. I was strong and she was small, but it still wasn't very far.
Ilona Andrews
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Men and swords. My father said that if you put any able-bodied man, no matter how peaceful, into a room with a sword and a practice dummy and leave him alone, eventually the man would pick up the sword and try to stab the dummy. It is human nature.
Ilona Andrews
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Kate had never met a person she didn't want to protect, preferably by hacking at the hostile parties with her sword.
Ilona Andrews
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I'm counting to ten in my head. Is it helping? No. It doesn't help me with you either. I used to life weights to alleviate frustration, but someone blowtorched my weight bench. How did you do it, by the way? I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you.
Ilona Andrews
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You know, she said, stirring her tea, the fastest way to get him off your back is to sleep with him. And tell him you love him. Preferably while in bed. I smirked and the tea almost came out of my nose. He'd run like he was on fire.
Ilona Andrews
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Ted said, You're working for the Order now. Yes. How does it feel? Well, Doctor, it feels rather sore and tingly.
Ilona Andrews
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A pissy werelion was rather difficult to live with.
Ilona Andrews
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Just so you know: if a rakshasa shows up, I left my sword in the car.
Ilona Andrews
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I make a bad mom, but I can pull off a crazy aunt.
Ilona Andrews