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What do you do to your hair? Dust, hair gel, and a little gun oil. Ever thought of patenting the recipe? No.

Ilona Andrews

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Ilona Andrews
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More quotes by Ilona Andrews

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...they tended towards the simple pleasures in life: drinking, whoring and fighting, preferably all three at once.
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A pissy werelion was rather difficult to live with.
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Every time I think you’ve reached the limits of arrogance, you show me new heights. Truly, your egotism is like the Universe—ever expanding.
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I turned and bumped by head against his chest a few times. It was the nearest hard surface.
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What is wrong with you? Many, many things.
Ilona Andrews
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Every handsome man had a flaw. It was just her luck that in William's case that flaw was lunacy.
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Syphilis. Lots and lots of magically delicious Syphilis.
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I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy.
Ilona Andrews
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Our standard rate. A doubloon a day. It was generous. More than generous--some families would put him up for a week for a single coin. Half a doubloon a day, she said. No, you see, the idea behind bargaining is that you ask for a larger amount.
Ilona Andrews
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The good doctor put a spoon of tea into my honey. You're drinking tea a honey badger made, Jim said. What did you expect?
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I would not leave you. I'll be there. Wherever you want 'there' to be.
Ilona Andrews
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We can do subtle, I assured her. It's our middle name, Andrea added. For some odd reason Rene didn't look convinced.
Ilona Andrews
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Butterflies were small and light, and very magic sensitive. For some reason I made them feel safe and they gravitated to me like iron shavings to a magnet. They ruined my ferocious badass image, but you'd have to be a complete beast to swat butterflies.
Ilona Andrews
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Perhaps I just wasn't scary enough. Maybe I should invest in some horns or fangs.
Ilona Andrews
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I was a knight, Andrea said. I'm not just going to start shooting every dickhead who mouths off to me. Just making sure. Besides, if I shot him, I'd do it so nobody could trace it back to me. I'd shoot him somewhere remote, his head would explode like a melon, and they would never find his body. He would just vanish.
Ilona Andrews
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And I meant to tell you: that was a one-in-a-thousand shot. She raised her hand. Don't. It was awesome, George confirmed. It really was, Jack said. His head exploded.
Ilona Andrews
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Curran looked back at me. Why is it you always attract creeps? You tell me. Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.
Ilona Andrews
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The decorator of Las Colimas must have been a great admirer of both early Aztec and late Taco Bell architectural styles.
Ilona Andrews
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« He squeezed his hands into fists. I picked up a grapefruit-sized rock and handed it to him. It went flying. Home run, Beast Lord style.
Ilona Andrews
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The rabbis paled. I’d managed to terrify holy men. Maybe I could beat up a nun for an encore.
Ilona Andrews