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Well, check this out. Mine is bigger.

Ilona Andrews

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Ilona Andrews
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More quotes by Ilona Andrews

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You were joking about the whole please and thank you thing, right? Meant every word. A little light danced in his eyes and he very deliberately said, Baby. No. He laughed. You should see your face right now. Don't call me that. Would you prefer 'darling'? Or maybe 'cupcake'? He winked.
Ilona Andrews
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Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies don’t look awful this time. Me (Ilona): ... ~A little later~ Kid 2: *wandering into the kitchen* Kid 1: Hey, you’ve got to see these pies. *opening the stove* Kid 2: Wow. They are not ugly this time. Kid 1: I know, right?
Ilona Andrews
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Your headlights don't scare me.
Ilona Andrews
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He stepped forward, took a deep breath, and doubled over in a sneezing fit. My werewolf was allergic to tortoises. Why me?
Ilona Andrews
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Ask a man how much a dollar is worth, and he'll tell you, 'Almost nothing.' Try to take a dollar away from him, and you'll get yourself a fight.
Ilona Andrews
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Secret to what? Secret to shutting you up, he said. I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and--he raised his hands--blessed silence.
Ilona Andrews
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Andrea raised her hand. “This is the hand that slapped Aunt B.” “Maybe you should have it gold-plated.” “Here, you can touch it, since you’re my best friend.
Ilona Andrews
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Her face looked like it would shatter any second.
Ilona Andrews
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You don't cause problems. You cause catastrophes.
Ilona Andrews
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Go to the Black Sea, meet new people, see beautiful places, get killed by a mutant carnivorous kangaroo goat. One item off my bucket list.
Ilona Andrews
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I chuckled to myself and kept walking. The Universe had proven Curran wrong: a person who aggravated him more than me did, in fact, exist.
Ilona Andrews
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Our stares connected and we were quiet for a long minute, united by our misery. At least he understood me and I understood him. A fine pair we make,” he said. Yeah.
Ilona Andrews
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Yes I can,” Curran snarled. “Listen: this is me telling you what you will not do.” I raised the cookbook and tapped him on the nose. Bad cat.
Ilona Andrews
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He lunged for the maps. I grabbed the chair and hit him with it. He went down. I hit him again to make sure he stayed that way, stepped over him, and picked up the maps. I win.
Ilona Andrews
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I’d signed six things and my stack wasn’t getting any smaller. It was like the paperwork was breeding while I worked.
Ilona Andrews
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In there?' She nodded. 'You want us to go into the tortoise?' Another nod. 'It's alive.' Another nod.
Ilona Andrews
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Look, he isn’t even concerned.” I poured the tea. “He’s concerned, Mother. He just doesn’t panic, because he’s in charge and if he panics, everybody else will panic.” “I can jog around the room pretending to scream if you would like,” Jim offered.
Ilona Andrews
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Who is that?” “Your replacement.” “You replaced me with a shaved poodle?” “He's got mad skills.
Ilona Andrews
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Your favorite volhv showed up half an hour ago, complaining about his lack of sleep and stupid gods. He says he brought his Batman belt.
Ilona Andrews
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Runes, runes, runes... Runes. An inverted Algiz rune. The caption next to it said “Chernobog.” The Black God. Right. Of course, it wouldn’t be Chernobog, God of Morning Dew on the Rose Petals, but a woman could always hope.
Ilona Andrews