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Just so you know: if a rakshasa shows up, I left my sword in the car.

Ilona Andrews

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Ilona Andrews
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More quotes by Ilona Andrews

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And I meant to tell you: that was a one-in-a-thousand shot. She raised her hand. Don't. It was awesome, George confirmed. It really was, Jack said. His head exploded.
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I wondered if kicking him in the head would make the whole explanation pop out of his mouth in one chunk.
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You don't cause problems. You cause catastrophes.
Ilona Andrews
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He stepped forward, took a deep breath, and doubled over in a sneezing fit. My werewolf was allergic to tortoises. Why me?
Ilona Andrews
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After I chased the werewolf and the vampire out of my office, I changed my clothes.
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Bad days, good days, ‘I’ll cut you if you look at me the wrong way’ days. I’ll take them all.
Ilona Andrews
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Let’s talk.” I pinned Red to his chair with my stare. I did deranged quite well, when the occasion required.
Ilona Andrews
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You slept with Curran and you didn’t tell me? I’m your best friend.” “It didn’t come up.” “How disappointing for you.” Ha-ha. “That’s not what I meant.
Ilona Andrews
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Secret to what? Secret to shutting you up, he said. I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and--he raised his hands--blessed silence.
Ilona Andrews
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Go to the Black Sea, meet new people, see beautiful places, get killed by a mutant carnivorous kangaroo goat. One item off my bucket list.
Ilona Andrews
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Wiggles hissed as I crossed the floor toward the throne. She fixed me with her empty hateful eyes and smelled the air, her long tongue shivering through the slit of the lipless mouth. Nice to see you too, sweetheart. Remember my cattle prod?
Ilona Andrews
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You should name him Fezzik. Inconceivable.
Ilona Andrews
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If he full-out flexed, I would probably faint, or jump off the building.
Ilona Andrews
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You like the girl, Alasdair offered. Nassar leveled a heavy gaze at him. Lillian said you tried to be funny in the car. I told her it couldn't possibly be true. The moment you try to make a joke, the sky shall split and the Four Horsemen will ride out, heralding Apocalypse.
Ilona Andrews
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Our standard rate. A doubloon a day. It was generous. More than generous--some families would put him up for a week for a single coin. Half a doubloon a day, she said. No, you see, the idea behind bargaining is that you ask for a larger amount.
Ilona Andrews
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I finally realized the source of your mutual attraction, Saiman said, his voice dry. You both think violence is foreplay.
Ilona Andrews
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When you walk a dog on a short leash, she's close enough to bite you.
Ilona Andrews
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She could've stared into those eyes for a thousand years and never noticed the time passing by.
Ilona Andrews
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Enough, Curran said. An unmistakable command saturated his voice. Jim clicked his mouth shut. I crossed my arms. I'm sorry, is this the part where I fall to my knees and shiver in fear, Your Furriness? Silly me, I didn't get the memo.
Ilona Andrews
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Ask a man how much a dollar is worth, and he'll tell you, 'Almost nothing.' Try to take a dollar away from him, and you'll get yourself a fight.
Ilona Andrews