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You don't cause problems. You cause catastrophes.

Ilona Andrews

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Ilona Andrews
Catastrophes
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More quotes by Ilona Andrews

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Grandpa? Declan raised his eyebrows. We keep him in the shed out back, Jack said helpfully. So he doesn't eat dog brains.
Ilona Andrews
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I don't trust tragedies much. It's easy to make a person sad by showing him something tragic. We all recognize when sad things happen: someone dies, someone loses a loved one, young love is crushed. It's much harder to make a man laugh-what's funny to one person isn't funny to another.
Ilona Andrews
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I’d signed six things and my stack wasn’t getting any smaller. It was like the paperwork was breeding while I worked.
Ilona Andrews
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Aunt B walked out onto the helipad wearing loose yoga pants. “I’m just here to stretch. Kate, want to help?” “Sure.” Thirty seconds later, as I was flying through the air, I decided that this wasn’t the best idea.
Ilona Andrews
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The door swung open and Kate walked in. Her jeans and T-shirt were splattered with blood and she was carrying a severed vampire head. The T-shirt has a smiley face on it.
Ilona Andrews
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I'm sorry about the dinner. Best date ever. Well, until people died and vampires showed up. But before that it was awesome.
Ilona Andrews
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Other pirates leaped over the railing. One, two... seven... thirteen. A baker’s dozen. Wait, fifteen. Eighteen... Twenty-one. The odds weren’t in our favor. “Maybe they just came over to borrow a cup of sugar,” I said. Andrea barked a short laugh. Curran put his hand on my shoulder. “That’s a lot of sugar. Must be a big cake.
Ilona Andrews
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Now Julie could stay here, in the Keep full of homicidal maniacs who grew teeth the size of switchblades and erupted into a violent frenzy when threatened.
Ilona Andrews
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He referred to you as his little snack. He's a sweetie.
Ilona Andrews
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Now climb, young grasshopper, so your Kung Fu won't be weak.
Ilona Andrews
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I've never seen such a collection of idiots in my whole life.' Doolittle shook his head. 'If you participate in this lunacy, y'all will get yourselves killed. Then don't come crying to me.' Now that would be a neat trick.
Ilona Andrews
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There is no such thing as privacy between a deity and his worshipper. There are no secrets, no glossed-over failures. Only promises kept and abandoned, sins committed and imagined, and raw emotion. How many of us are ready to have our lives judged? What would happen if we were found wanting?
Ilona Andrews
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Juke glanced into her cup before tipping it down to her mouth. Screw you! Now come on, sugar, you know I don't swing that way. Whatever!
Ilona Andrews
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I'm secure enough in myself to wear panties with bows on them. Besides, they are comfy and soft. I bet. He almost purred. I gulped.
Ilona Andrews
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Sure, I didn't weigh a hundred and ten pounds , but my narrow waist let me bend and I could break a man's neck with my kick.
Ilona Andrews
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What's with the cute shoelace on your head? What this? He flicked the end of the cord with his finger. Yeah. Rambo called, he wants his bandana back.
Ilona Andrews
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Her imagination painted Georgie twenty years later, sitting in leg irons before some Broken psychiatrist. Well, you see, it all started with bubbles.
Ilona Andrews
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He strained to say something else. I leaned toward him. He focused on me. “Rape,” he promised. “Many, many times. Until you bleed . . .” “I’m so flattered.
Ilona Andrews
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The rabbis paled. I’d managed to terrify holy men. Maybe I could beat up a nun for an encore.
Ilona Andrews
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On the other hand it was bad manners to look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if you're getting it from an overweight cracker in a fringe shirt.
Ilona Andrews