Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.

Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing.

Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't cross the thin line between cute and demonic.

Never ask a woman why she's angry at you. She will either get angrier at you for not knowing, or she'll tell you. Both ways, you lose.

I read a column by George Will that SCARFACE should be rated X because parents were taking their children to see it. So what? Why should the motion-picture industry be responsible for our morality? Dad says to Mom, `SCARFACE is in town.' `What's it about?' `Human scum who kill each other over cocaine deals.' `Sounds great! Let's take the kids!'