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And here, I believe, the wit is generally misunderstood. In reality, it lies in desiring another to kiss your a-- for having just before threatened to kick his for I have observed very accurately, that no one ever desires you to kick that which belongs to himself, nor offers to kiss this part in another.

Henry Fielding

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Henry Fielding
Age: 47 †
Born: 1707
Born: April 22
Died: 1754
Died: October 8
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A rich man without charity is a rogue and perhaps it would be no difficult matter to prove that he is also a fool.
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We endeavor to conceal our vices under the disguise of the opposite virtues.
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It is not enough that your designs, nay that your actions, are intrinsically good, you must take care they shall appear so.
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Nothing can be so quick and sudden as the operations of the mind, especially when hope, or fear, or jealousy, to which the other two are but journeymen, set it to work.
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He grew weary of this condescension, and began to treat the opinions of his wife with that haughtiuess and insolence, which none but those who deserve some contempt themselves can bestow, and those only who deserve no contempt can bear.
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When I mention religion I mean the Christian religion and not only the Christian religion, but the Protestant religion and not only the Protestant religion, but the Church of England.
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When I'm not thanked at all, I'm thanked enough.
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Great vices are the proper objects of our detestation, smaller faults of our pity, but affectation appears to be the only true source of the ridiculous.
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What is commonly called love, namely the desire of satisfying a voracious appetite with a certain quantity of delicate white human flesh.
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the excellence of the mental entertainment consists less in the subject than in the author's skill in well dressing it up.
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LOVE: A word properly applied to our delight in particular kinds of food sometimes metaphorically spoken of the favorite objects of all our appetites.
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Most men like in women what is most opposite their own characters.
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Ingratitude never so thoroughly pierces the human breast as when it proceeds from those in whose behalf we have been guilty of transgressions.
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Guilt has very quick ears to an accusation.
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It is an error common to many to take the character of mankind from the worst and basest amongst them whereas, as an excellent writer has observed, nothing should be esteemed as characteristical, of a species but what is to be found amongst the best and the most perfect individuals of that species.
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With the latitude of unbounded scurrility, it is easy enough to attain the character of a wit, especially when it is considered how wonderfully pleasant it is to the generality of the public to see the folly of their acquaintance exposed by a third person.
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Guilt, on the contrary, like a base thief, suspects every eye that beholds him to be privy to his transgressions, and every tongue that mentions his name to be proclaiming them.
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Some folks rail against other folks, because other folks have what some folks would be glad of.
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He in a few minutes ravished this fair creature, or at least would have ravished her, if she had not, by a timely compliance, prevented him.
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Let no man be sorry he has done good, because others have done evil.
Henry Fielding