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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Call
Two
Lawyer
Questions
Second
Question
Says
Asks
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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