Quote

I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Second
Question
Says
Asks
Call
Two
Lawyer
Questions

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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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