Quote

I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Lawyer
Questions
Second
Question
Says
Asks
Call
Two

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman