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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Married
Wife
Forget
Remember
Anything
Wanted
Way
Birthday
Effective
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
