Quote

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wanted
Way
Birthday
Effective
Married
Wife
Forget
Remember
Anything

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman