Quote

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Forget
Remember
Anything
Wanted
Way
Birthday
Effective
Married
Wife

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman