Quote

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Married
Wife
Forget
Remember
Anything
Wanted
Way
Birthday
Effective

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman