Quote

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Forget
Remember
Anything
Wanted
Way
Birthday
Effective
Married
Wife

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman