Quote

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Married
Wife
Forget
Remember
Anything
Wanted
Birthday
Way
Effective

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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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