Quote

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wanted
Way
Birthday
Effective
Married
Wife
Forget
Remember
Anything

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman