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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Bill
Bills
Saws
Talk
Thought
Telephone
Telephones
Cheap
More quotes by Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
