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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Bills
Saws
Talk
Thought
Telephone
Telephones
Cheap
Bill

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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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