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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Telephones
Cheap
Bill
Bills
Saws
Talk
Thought
Telephone

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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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