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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Doors
Blinds
Taking
Shower
Woman
Showers
Men
Knock
Opens
Lady
Door
Blind
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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