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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Taking
Shower
Woman
Showers
Men
Knock
Opens
Lady
Door
Blind
Doors
Blinds
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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