Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Terrible
Week
Wife
Lasts
Last
Chauffeur
Without
Chauffeurs
Ran
Luck
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
