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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Last
Chauffeur
Without
Chauffeurs
Ran
Luck
Terrible
Week
Wife
Lasts
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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