Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Luck
Terrible
Week
Wife
Lasts
Last
Chauffeur
Without
Chauffeurs
Ran
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
