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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Park
Parks
Central
Four
Live
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman