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I live about four muggings from Central Park.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Park
Parks
Central
Four
Live

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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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