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I live about four muggings from Central Park.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Park
Parks
Central
Four
Live

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman