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I live about four muggings from Central Park.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Park
Parks
Central
Four
Live

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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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