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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Sex
Family
Three
Kids

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman