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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Sex
Family
Three
Kids
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman