Quote

There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Sex
Family
Three
Kids

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
Image
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
Image
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
Image
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
Image
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
Image
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
Image
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
Image
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
Image
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
Image
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
Image
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
Image
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
Image
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
Image
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
Image
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
Image
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
Image
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
Image
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
Image
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman