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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Kids
Sex
Family
Three
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman