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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Sex
Family
Three
Kids

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman