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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Kissed
Closed
Eyes
Eye
Women
Many
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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