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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Closed
Eyes
Eye
Women
Many
Kissed

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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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