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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Eyes
Eye
Women
Many
Kissed
Closed

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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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