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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Kissed
Closed
Eyes
Eye
Women
Many

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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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