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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Tell
Young
Hard
Good
Visualize
Comics
Joke
Jokes
Hell

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman