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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Good
Visualize
Comics
Joke
Jokes
Hell
Tell
Young
Hard

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman