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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Jokes
Hell
Tell
Young
Hard
Good
Visualize
Comics
Joke
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman