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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Good
Visualize
Comics
Joke
Jokes
Hell
Tell
Young
Hard
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
