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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Good
Visualize
Comics
Joke
Jokes
Hell
Tell
Young
Hard
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
