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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Suicide
Commit
Killing
Without

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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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