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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Keen
Humor
Wife
Sense
Better

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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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